Lessons to Learn in Song

I'm no fan of new singers. I know that makes me sound like an old curmudgeon, but most new music and new singers just fail to move me with their lack of greatness. Or substance. But today, as I was out driving, the radio playing white noise in the background of my thoughts, some new music pushed through. I heard a song by Lyfe Jennings called "Statistics." I listened because he starts in the classroom like Lauryn Hill does in the interludes on The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill (a great CD) and I was misled to think it was one of her songs. Plus, any song beginning in a classroom has my attention! But then he started giving all these statistics about men in society and the likelihood of women finding one. I'm not sure how true his statistics are, but his chorus is definitely true.

It goes:

RULE #1 Don't be a booty call
If he don't respect you girl he gon forget you girl

RULE #2 If he's in a relationship

If he will cheat on her that means he will cheat on you

RULE #3 Tell him that you're celibate

And if he wants some of your goodies he gon have to work for it

RULE #4 Be the person you wanna find

Don't be a nickel out here lookin' for a dime

DH said, "He had to put that in a song?" Apparently, yes.

These are things my mother taught me growing up, but I don't think young girls are taught these things anymore. For instance, rules #1 & 3. Why isn't this common knowledge? I have heard countless male students say that they don't respect girls who give it up so freely and easily. They'll gladly have sex with those girls, but they won't have relationships with them. But, oddly, my female students will counter that statement with comments about how guys will have relationships with girls like that and they should be able to be as free sexually as the guys. They should, but I try to point out to the female students that this is what the guy is telling you; this is how he feels. Now that you have the information, you have to make a decision about what you want, what's important to you. But it's like they live in this world of disconnect. It reminds me of that episode of Sex & the City in which the women make up these reasons why the guy hasn't called and the guy says "He's just not that into you" and her friends say, "Oh don't listen to him; he doesn't know what he is talking about." Really? You're just gonna make up your own truth in spite of the reliability of the source?

Far more disturbing are the many stories I have heard of tween and teen girls performing oral sex on groups of boys in the Boys bathroom, having sex with random boys in the school auditorium or the library (the library? don't defile the library!), and sextexting. Does any guy have to work for the goods anymore?

Anyway, I think this song makes a lot of sense; I like it. It probably won't be around 20 years from now like songs by Marvin Gaye, but hopefully, the lessons it teaches will. They should.

In My Sister's Shadow

I am an older sister so I don't know what it is like to live in the shadows. I hope and have tried to encourage my siblings to create their own aura of light so that they they do not ever have to worry about any residual darkness that may fall from mine. I think they have done this as they are good at what they do and good at who they are (shout out to my parents who helped--LOL).

So, it saddens me when I see celebrity siblings who seem to be desperately trying to emerge from the shadows of their (often) more successful siblings. They do the most ridiculous things so that, I suppose, we will stop calling them Sally Mae's Little Sister and John Boy's Little Brother. And so that we will take them seriously. For instance, Ray J. Why in the world did he try to come out all gangsta in the early part of the century when he is from McComb, MS,--McCOMB!--the son of a gospel singer and the brother of Brandy, sweet pop star Brandy? And a sex tape, Ray J? Really? Then there's Jamie Lynn Spears, whom I guess doesn't really fit this paradigm as one teenage pregnancy hardly distinguishes you from the dead lights of Britney's drama. But the one that I am most appalled by at this moment is Beyonce's sister (who is still just Beyonce's sister at this point), Solange. What is this?

BEYONCE KNOWLES' little sister SOLANGE is set to shock fans on her new album by singing about drug-fuelled sex.The pretty 22-year-old, who was a mum at 18, sings about smoking marijuana and making love on a new Lil Wayne duet, called ChampagneChronicNightcap.And she insists every track on her new album Sol-AngeL & The Hadley St.Dreams is written from personal experience.She tells Giant magazine, "I am unapologetic; I don't write about things unless they're true. I'm a grown-ass woman and I've experienced grown-ass things." Source

I get that she may be grown and she wants people to recognize her "growness," but it has always been apparent to me that if you're grown, you don't have to try to prove it. You just be grown and people will recognize that. And you really don't have to put all of your business out there; grown folks keep that kind of business to themselves. If singers want to sing about adult topics, there's poor health care for adults and children, domestic violence, a rising HIV rate among Black folk, especially women, police brutality, an alarming rate of foreclosure in our community, the election. These are topics that concern grown folk. Okay, these topics probably won't sell records (but they should). One could sing about his/her take on spirituality, important (non-sexual) relationships, being a mother or father. Why is the default way to prove one's maturity sex? It seems to me if that's what someone thinks makes him/her grown, they're not really. And then to promote irresponsible sex on top of that?

I haven't heard Solange's whole album yet (and I probably won't), so maybe this song is just one anomaly among a bevy of mature, responsible songs. But this is not a good way to promote them. And it's not a good way to make a (good) name for yourself.