So, I'm watching this tell-all, retrospective-type show about MTV's "The Real World" and how fabulously fabulous the show is. I realize that I haven't actually watched this show in several years. I used to watch it religiously, and in the back of my mind I thought that I'd be on it one day. Since everyone has to have a "character" on this reality show, I'd be the innocent Southern belle with Malcolm X tendancies. I'd spend my time regurgitating brilliant ideas from all my thoughtful, idealistic reading material, and my roommates' eyes would be opened about race and gender and the beautiful contradictions of the South. I'd be angry and passionate, but sweet and endearing. Some cute guy would fall hard for me, but it would be fleeting. "That girl," my roommates would say, "She's a sweetheart, but don't cross her!"
Had I been on the show several years ago, perhaps my fantasy season would have come to pass. But now, the sex-ed up, hot tub, type cast show would never have me; they've had a thousand versions of my imaginary character. It's just ridiculous and not at all real, and I remember why I stopped watching this silliness. Most importantly, though, I realize that I am now waaaayyy too old and jaded to ever be cast on that show. Now, I'd roll my eyes at the cast's whining and arguing and go crochet something.
Still, I feel a little sad that I'm no longer young and restless. My "Real World" dream is never going to happen. It seems like every twenty-something has a media presence, whether on TV or the web (I don't really envy that--I'm sure they are making dumb decisions that will come back to haunt them). Instead of those exciting experiences, I'm wondering why my 3 year old is suddenly wetting her pants 3 times in a week and being depressed because my university President just gave the most depressing speech today about the economy and the sad state of the school (and of the jobs therein, many of which will be vaporizing soon). I'll never have flat abs to show off (did I ever?) or some exotic manufactured experience of my youth. Who's thinking of me and wondering, "Where are they now?"
Anybody think there'll ever be "Really Real World"? Maybe that's the show for me.
10 months ago