Yay!

TD,

I'm crying and laughing all at the same time. I'm so happy for you and baby girl! I've been in such sadness on your behalf because you can't hold her yet. I can't imagine that any of the other 9 trillion diaper changes will be this special, but the first one is special indeed. I know about your poop aversion, but we'll see what happens. I'm telling you, it's much more fascinating that you'd imagine, especially since it doesn't really stink in the beginning. Plus, it's a great measure of a child's health. But I digress.

Congratulations on one of many, many milestones on this journey.

Changes

I am still marveling in the way life changes you (and I'll probably continue marveling for awhile).

It has been my contention since my friends started having babies that new mothers spend too much time talking about poop. Green poop, yellow poop, brown poop, runny poop, exploding poop, poop in potties, poop smeared on walls, poop that smells like a man's poop (which probably earns it a name other than "poop"). I know I told both my sister-in-law and you, SM, that if you don't stop talking about your kids' poop, I was going to start talking about my own. I figured it was just as appropriate. And I maintained that when I became a mother I would not talk about poop unless it was medically necessary (like "OMG, my child has passed purple poop! Should I call the doctor?"). And because I believe in staying true to my word, I am still maintaining that poop talk is off-limits.

In keeping with my commitment, I will not talk about poop or poopy diapers, but I just have to say that I changed my daughter's diaper for the first time last night. I was terrified and I am convinced that I did not do a good job, but I was so happy that I got to do it. I had watched the nurses do it for days and weeks now and only one suggested that I could do it. When she did, I was scared. My daughter is still under three pounds, she's in an incubator on a ventilator and her oxygen levels drop when people touch her. So, I told that nurse to do it herself. Last night, however, a different nurse said, "In about 5 minutes, you can change her diaper and check her temperature." What?!? She did not give me a choice and went on to tell me in the nicest way that I was the mother and I have to get used to doing those things. So, I had to woman-up.

Because she's in the incubator, I had to place my hands into the doors on the side of the bed. I was trying to work quickly to avoid having the doors open for long (germs and all) and to avoid giving her time to drop her oxygen levels. I also didn't want to hurt her (she's so tiny and delicate). I got the new diaper on and the old one off even though she likes to kick, especially when people touch her. Although I unintentionally made her look like a young hip hopper with her underwear sagging off her bottom, it was a nice experience for me. I got to hit a milestone in parenting, do something for my daughter, and have physical contact with her. And although her oxygen levels did go down briefly, they came back up quickly. Maybe she knew it was me.

So, this was not a story about poop--I haven't changed that much--but it was a story about a diaper change and apparently a change in attitude. I still can't believe I was excited about it and excited to tell the tale.

Keep on livin', I guess.

A Link for Women's History Month

Here's a brilliant analysis from Melissa Harris-Lacewell about Michelle Obama:

http://princetonprofs.blogspot.com/2009/03/michelle-obamas-arms.html

I wish that I had said all of this myself . . . . Enjoy!

I'm Not Sure What This Means . . .

So, here's the difference between mommy and daddy: When a coughing fit early (early, early) this morning woke up my son and then turned into a vomit fit, the retching woke me. (Let's just overlook the fact that he was in our bed--again). He was lying right beside my husband. What did he do when the spewing began? He rolled over. Even when I started to pull off the sheets. Right next to the vomit. Sigh.

Watching "Jeopardy" tonight: I got every answer in one of the categories. Which one you ask? Something to do with being fired . . . I kid you not.

Seen and Not Heard?

Michael Steele needs a spanking. Are you kidding me? I chuckled at his tiff with the apparent leader of the Republican Party, Rush Limbaugh. I shook my head just like I do when my children have a huge fight about which sippy cup belongs to whom. But now I'm more disturbed. He apologizes to Limbaugh in such a limp-wristed manner that I wonder where all of his normal intestinal fortitude went. What did he think would have happened if he had said, "No, I meant what I said. " Isn't it true that Limbaugh is an entertainer? Isn't true that he's incendiary? After all, he did say that Michael J. Fox was faking his Parkinson's symptoms. Limbaugh isn't even a politician, so why is anyone obligated to engage in discussion with him? This is what people in the South would call loud-talking: speaking in louder and louder decibels so as to keep an opponent from being heard. Loud-talking doesn't actually demonstrate logical weaknesses in another's argument. It just seeks to stop the argument. That's Limbaugh and conservative talk radio in a nutshell.

I am going to go ahead and say that this demonstrates the real place of minorities in the Republican Party. Does anyone think that he would have ever been elected if Obama hadn't won? They needed an image change and he raised his hand. If I were in a class, I would engage a discussion about silencing and voice. Who came to the defense of Steele? It took about 10 seconds for Steele to realize that he would have to apologize, and he didn't wait another 10 seconds before he commenced to ducking his head. And how many people came to Limbaugh's defense? How many people called for him to apologize for denigrating the leader of his own party? Whatever position Steele has officially won here, he clearly is not valued or respected. I wonder if he's had an epiphany or if he's going to keep towing the party line out on a dingy by himself.

In Medias Res

And you know what else? They think they can just do whatever they feel like to us. Like we don't matter and should just take scraps and crawl away saying, "Thank you sir, may I have another?" Like I haven't worked my rear end off earning degrees that make me qualified and then folks just want to throw me away. You now what? Kiss my grits!--

Oh, wait. You don't live in my head, huh? Let me explain my stream of consciousness type vomit of thoughts. I've just had this epiphany that faculty are the peons of the university setting.
As much as I'm trying to forget about how messy and just wrong my job loss is on a number of levels, my impulse is just to let it go (along with some money that is probably still owed me) and move on. In fact, I received two pieces of promising news lately, so perhaps I'll have somewhere to move to, at least in the short term. But when I think about the way that faculty are often cut out of the shared governance that is supposed to happen in higher education, it reminds me that continuing to work in academia anywhere means that I have to accept a certain lack of control over my own career. So much happens to faculty, from course load to course distribution to office space. Even when rules are followed--and they were not in my situation--it seems that faculty is at the mercy of students and administration, caught in the middle.

There are millions of other thoughts running through my head about the complexities of higher education, but I had this realization about being a worker bee. It feels like a veil being lifted. When I was a student, I had no idea that there was so much behind the scenes.

Gimme a Break

Ok, sue me, but I'm watching the season finale of "The Bachelor"--don't ask why. I don't know why. Yes, it's ridiculous. I've been trying to pretend that it just inexplicably ends up on my TV. Every week.

I know that I have no reason at to be surprised, but what was all that editing that they've been pushing all season? They showed Deanna, the bachelorette from last season, showing up out of nowhere. Then they show her saying that she made a mistake and that he should look "beyond" when he considers his proposal. All of this manufactured drama was meant to have the audience believe that she wanted him to go rogue and propose to her. Since, you know, he was completely in love with her just last season. So, are the ratings going down or something? All this silly BS of made up crap was unnecessary. Why can't television producers and writers put together shows that are interesting and intriguing without manipulating? The Diva, you've made a similar point before about artistic production.

Oh my goodness. Now the after show is on and he's saying that picked the wrong girl and is still in love with her. He's going to break up with the woman he proposed to on air. Isn't that dramatic enough? Okay, so the whole thing is ridiculous. Even my husband is saying, "Kick him! He sucks!" But I'm in love with love. What can I say?

And is anyone annoyed that everyone keeps calling these women "girls"?