Bend Over

Here's a thought: If you don't like people, you shouldn't work in positions that require talking, answering questions, or providing information.

Today I went to the unemployment office. While not the catastrophic abyss of irritation I expected, it was not fun. Most questions about the paperwork were answered with some version of "I don't know because that's not my job." Lovely. It's even sweeter when "I can't help you and I really don't want to" comes from the HR people of the employer who just scraped you off their shoe. They can't seem to figure out why I am asking questions and spiral down into, "Well what do you want? I already told you blah blah blah"; so, just in case you were not sufficiently disrespected and humbled, here's some more aggravation.

And then I went to Wal-mart and some old dude was checking me out! What a life!

*Post Script: Okay, let me give a little context to this post. I've been struggling with my former institution because I can't seem to get straight answers or assurance about how certain money issues will be handled. There is alleged "calculating" going on and people "taking care" of things. But, really. After being treated like an annoying gnat who happened to be doing the work that is the actual purpose of the institution--teaching students--, shouldn't I be doing a little bit of CYA for myself? Not to mention the fact that I was already denied some benefits via a "glitch" that nobody can explain. But the answer to every question is "I don't know. I can't give it to you in writing. You have to direct that to someone else. It's being addressed." And finally, "What else do you want?" The general message seems to be that I should just take whatever people feel like giving me, slink away quietly, and above all, stop talking to people who don't want their human resource type work interrupted by human beings. So, I'm feeling a little disregarded. Okay, tremendously disregarded. Mostly, I keep thinking, "Why are any of you upset? Don't you still have a job, after all?"

God Got Jokes

Life can be funny. Things you never thought you would do, under the right conditions, become things you would do in a heartbeat.

In my new position as a mother, I have become especially acquainted with this phenomenon. I have always thought this idea of having to wash one's hands to hold a newborn baby unnecessary and a little insulting. Typically I only ask to hold newborns so the parent won't feel that I am not interested in their child; I don't have to hold such young babies. Then, for them to demand that I must go through extra effort to hold their child. . . that's okay. But now, each time I go to the NICU, I must scrub with soap and sponge. There's also a little pick that I must use in order to clean my fingernails. In addition, I have to put on a hospital gown over my own clothes. I do all of this with little thought and no bad feelings. I am actually quite glad to do it. The first time my sister-in-law went to visit our baby she jokingly said, "She didn't even want to wash her hands to hold our baby, but we practically have to take a shower and get dressed to see hers. I know what she has to do when we have another baby!" I suppose I will do so gladly.

The second change in thought also has to do with my baby. I was always ambivalent about breastfeeding. Although DH was insistent that I would (because HE has some say about what I do with MY body), I figured I would try and if it worked, okay, and if not, okay. To be honest, I wasn't that thrilled about the idea of a baby hanging from my breast. Plus, I was formula-fed and I am still intelligent and healthy and I have a good relationship with my mother. But now, while I am not actually nursing, I am providing breast milk for my daughter. Apparently, breast milk is the best thing for a premature baby. She is gaining weight and doing well with the milk and I couldn't be more ecstatic to provide it for her. Don't get me wrong--I'm still not a breastfeeding Nazi, but I'm pretty committed to the idea of doing it now.

Boy, how life can change. As one character in my favorite novel, Mama Day, says, "Just keep livin'."

You Look Mahvelous!

Last night's Academy Awards was an occasion for Hollywood to don it's most beautiful looks and for fans and fashion pundits to pontificate about them. (Oh, and to honor talent and hard work.) I don't want to add to the fodder of talking negatively about people's clothing (although I question Alicia Keys' make-up choice); instead, I wanted to give a shout-out to Taraji P. Henson. I think she's pretty fantastic and she looked gorgeous last night. She may not have won in the category of Best Supporting Actress (for The Curious Case of Benjamin Button), but I am glad she was nominated.

I first paid attention to her in that forgettable movie, Baby Boy and I have liked her ever since. I especially loved her in Hustle & Flow (even if she was overly sweaty in this movie like people in the South are perpetually hot and have no access to air conditioners). I didn't see Benjamin Button because DH refused to see it, but if Henson was nominated for her role in it, I can only assume that she is superb in it.

I'm glad to see Black women being given roles that are not typical (maids, angry wives/girlfriends, hookers, etc.) and I'm glad to see them being recognized for the work they do. I am especially glad to see Henson being recognized which just proves that I was right all along.

Sad

The Diva, your post about our view of animals is an even more pithy commentary in light of that New York Post cartoon implying that President Obama is an ape. I don't want to spend more time and energy on that intellectual monstrosity that is distasteful, hurtful, thoughtless, and several other adjectives. The Kitchen Table authors have, as usual, already provided a salient response. The NPR blog is also a worthy read. I only want to add my deep sadness. Not at the overt racism that keeps exposing itself like a hanging slip under your dress hem. Not at a callous public voice that couldn't be bothered to put sensitivity for other people above greed. Not even at this smear against lingering collective joy for our national historical moment. I'm sad because I just watched Bryant Gumbel's "Real Sports" story about Robbie Tolan's nearly fatal run in with Belaire police and I kept seeing my son's face as I imagined this horrible scenario. He complied with their disrespectful requests, even though they had wrongly profiled and followed him, then entered his tag number incorrectly--until they slammed his mother into the garage door. Then, this loving son and athlete said, "Get your f---ing hands off my mom!" And they shot him. I'm sad because this cartoon illustrates what actually happens to real black boys and men.

Seeing this cartoon is another reminder that the day will come much too soon when I'll send my son into the world and many people (armed, police kind of people) will fail to see the silly, sweet, gorgeous boy who slobbers kisses and thinks his mother hung the moon at night. Instead, they'll see a dark, inhuman threat--a chimp. Tim Wise has chronicled the ways in which black life is simply viewed as less valuable. That's why pumping bullets into the body of an unarmed black man, some mother's son, rarely merits punishment. I'm not shocked or even angry. I'm just sad.

They're Animals, People

No, they're not animal-people. Nor are they people-like animals. They are just animals.

I am just befuddled at the shock and awe that the community experiences every time an animal attacks a human being. The latest incident involves a 200-pound chimpanzee named Travis. He brutally mauled a woman (not his owner) who is now still in critical condition. The chimp was ultimately shot when he tried to enter a police car after the attack.

I know chimps can seem amazingly human. They are eerily expressive; they can learn sign language; they can walk on two legs; they can act. Travis was famous for his Coca-Cola and Old Navy commercial appearances. He also drank wine from stemmed glasses. But, he still was not human. I don't care that his owner said he couldn't have been more her son if she had given birth to him. But she didn't. 'Cause she's human. And he's not.

In the interest of fairness, I've never really owned a pet. I did have a butterfly once that my aunt caught and placed in a jar for me. I think it lived for maybe three days. Maybe a little longer. Sometimes I count that butterfly as a pet, but really, it wasn't. So, I don't get the warm fuzzies when people talk about the animals they are loving. But I do have common sense and I know that no matter how much you love an animal, your love won't make it human. So, you shouldn't expect it to behave like a human, with thought processes and complex emotional behaviors. It's an animal and should not surprise you when it acts like an animal. Animals have a fight or flight response and many times, they will fight; they'll even fight humans.

People who keep dangerous animals as pets are the most confounding. Everybody loves a pit bull until it attacks the child in the home and then it's a terrible tragedy. Didn't you know that was going to happen? You have a PIT BULL. It's an animal AND it's an animal bred to attack. I've heard people try to argue that if you treat pit bulls right they won't attack. Yes, you're right. Until they do. Because they are animals.

I saw this show once about animals attacking. This man had a pet reptile (I'll leave it at that, SM, for your sake). He took it to a bar and let people touch and hold it. And then, oh my! I'm so surprised! It bit him. The pet became agitated and since it could not talk and could not get away, it attacked. That's what animals do.

So, I'm not surprised that this chimp attacked this woman. I think that it is an awful tragedy and she did not deserve it to happen to her. But for all those people who think animals are just like us only with fur and four legs instead of two, listen to me: God didn't make us the same. We are different. Biologically and historically, we are destined to play different roles in the environment. Although we like to dress animals up in clothes like people and we like to ascribe human qualities and feelings to them and we like to make them talk and have complicated relationships in our movies (what's the deal with making a rat a personable creature we'd want in our kitchens, Ratatouille?), we will never meld into one no matter how many ways you try to make it happen. Animals know it. Why don't people, the ones with the higher level thought process, know it?

Gag me

In my newly unemployed state, I'm realizing how much time laundry and dishes take up. Perhaps this is why I'm still so doggone tired even though I don't have to actually go to work. I am still doing work, mostly publication stuff, but I don't have a conventional job that pays a monthly check and requires talking to other people. I'm fighting the sadness of this loss of identity and usefulness. But as I'm uncontrollably watching the reruns of "The Real Housewives of ------" I'm noticing an annoying theme. On the Orange County version, one of the daughters complains about the "tree people" hanging out near Berkley, where she attends college. Apparently, she's also not interested in eating her lunch near the "bums" on the street. How dare those homeless people taint the loveliness of her dining with their unsavory lack of functional lives! To escape this unbearable experience, her mother provides her with a fully furnished penthouse. And on the New York version, one of the women comments on how "hectic" things are while her housekeeper is away; all the feeding her own children and washing her own clothes is overwhelming it turns out. (Roll your eyes with me, please).

On the Today show this morning, one woman points out that they taped the show before the economy went in the crapper. Nevertheless, is this the reality of people's lives? The obvious answer, I guess, is that this is the reality of these women's lives. But this kind of oblivious self-centeredness is painful, especially when I think of my colleagues who are single and have children or are scarily close to retirement; losing your job without warning is not filled with fabulosity. This is why people don't like rich people! It's not just about your money or the overpriced things you have. It's the attitude of entitlement and myopic selfishness that assumes that you deserve the stuff you have. Don't people who work two or three jobs, who do their own laundry every day, or who--ahem--have earned a Ph.D., also deserve some ease in their lives?

So, the new season begins soon. Perhaps I'll update you later. (Now, roll your eyes at the irony--maybe if I had a job I wouldn't have time to watch!)

More than a Notion

As the mother of a baby in the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit), I am being given a crash course in the hardships of parenting. First and foremost, there's the ubiquitous worry and the constant prayer. Every time the phone rings, I hold my breath praying that it is not the hospital calling to tell me something is wrong with my baby. Of course, the only time they call is when something is amiss, so really, I just hope that it is not the hospital calling at all. Then there are the hard decisions that have to be made quickly, decisions that could have a detrimental effect on your child (and in my daughter's case, that could literally be life and death). And there's the desire to keep them from all pain accompanied by the inability to do so. Sadly, because my daughter is so small and young and in an isolette (incubator), I can't even touch her to soothe her after she feels the pain.

DH and I have come to the conclusion that being a parent is more than a notion. To paraphrase the former president, it's hard work. This job is even harder when you factor in other people making it so. Last week I learned about a mother in Georgia who gave four teenagers alcohol; one died in a car accident afterward. This mother is part of a small population of parents who believe it is okay to give their children alcohol, considering it a rite of passage. This may make sense on some level if the thinking is that they want their kids to learn to drink responsibly. But one, giving someone else's kid alcohol is not responsible and two, giving him enough to get him drunk is, in fact, irresponsible. Why would you do something like this? As a parent, doesn't this woman understand that parenting is hard enough when one has to worry about one's kid falling into the wrong crowd without the added hardship of having to worry about some grown-tail woman making childish decisions that can (and did) ruin the life of their child? It doesn't make sense that someone would decide that their values, which are blatantly against the law, are what's best and should be imparted on someone else's kid. I wonder if this mother even thinks she did anything wrong.

They say that people should be given a license to parent. I'm not saying this, but I will say that parenting is not an easy job. I don't think people always fully appreciate this fact. Clearly, however, it's a scary world out there for people who decide to become parents and making such a decision is more than a notion.