Boys Don't Cry (and they don't take showers with grown men)

Once, DH and I were at a family event and his 7-year-old nephew was trying to lean on him. He made the boy get up. Later, when I questioned what I thought was unnecessary meanness, he told me the boy was too old to be laying up against a man like that. I relayed this incident to a male friend and he, too, agreed, sharing that his young nephew (the age escapes me, but he was younger than 7) had rested his hand on my friend's leg once and he promptly picked it up and moved it. Apparently, the end age for male touching comes pretty early in a boy's life.

So, a grown man--an unrelated grown man, especially-- taking a naked shower with a 10-year-old boy is just not supposed to be done. Even if and especially if it is "just horseplay." Come on, Jerry Sandusky, you have got to do better than that. As one of Herman Cain's accusers advised of him, just tell the truth so everyone can move forward.

Seriously.

In the words of Michael Jackson . . .

"If you don't want a baby; don't have a baby."

So, I hear that a male birth control pill is nearly complete. This could be revolutionary. Could this shift the responsibility out of the sole hands of women? If men can prevent unintentional pregnancies--and without having to sacrifice their own pleasure--will they?

I think of how profound it must have been for women to finally be able to control their own fertility, privately and relatively easily. Although it changed sex for women, I'm going to go ahead and assert that men don't need to be released from sexual repression. But many men, I think, need to be released from the idea that they have no control about when and how they make a baby, that they have to rely on the honesty and careful consideration of a woman. Of course, this hasn't actually been true for years and years (hello, condoms!) But if men can make that decision on their own, it strikes one more excuse for"I didn't plan this! I didn't want this! I don't want to pay for this!" Will that be enough to have men to agree not to make babies they don't want? Wouldn't that be revolutionary? When people parent (or don't) children who they don't want and can't afford, bad things happen. If there is one more way to interrupt that cycle, couldn't that change everything?

Will it?

Happy Father's Day

I grew up in a two-parent home, and although I knew on some level that everyone didn't live like me, my world was populated by people who did. So, it was a little amazing to me when I married DH and came into contact with so many people who grew up without their father (DH being one of them). There were so many that I began to just assume that men did not stick around (my daddy being the anomaly).

When my friends began getting married and starting families of their own, my faith in men was renewed. So many men were not only sticking around for their families, but they were also excited about them. And at a time when Black families are especially notorious for being without the father, these men stand out even more for their commitment, their involvement, their sense of family. There's my husband, my brother, my cousins, SM's husband, SM's father, my good friend from junior high school, DH's best friend, my father-in-law (who stepped up to the plate and took care of children that weren't his) and countless other friends.

To all of these men, Happy Father's Day. You serve as an example of all that is good and right and we are honored to have you in our lives. And to my own father, I love you. You were the first man who made me feel special and I know I am the woman I am today because of your love and influence.