Top Ten--2011

Top Ten Awesome Things about 2011:

1. The Crisis has made some progress in the right direction. And it's not nearly as bad as it could be.
2. Huge strides in my quest to get more publications under my belt.
3. My job is going really well, mostly, and I have opportunities that would probably not otherwise be available to me.
4. The Hubby and I have figured out a date-nigh/babysitting exchange with another family that has been really valuable.
5. The Babydoll and The Baby Boy are doing quite well in school and in extra-curricular activities.
6. Friends who had been wanting a baby for nearly five years, and who had a stillborn in the process, welcomed their beautiful, healthy son. A number of other friends also welcomed healthy babies into their families.
7. Finally had my bridal portrait framed, three years after I actually posed for it, and 10 years after I actually got married. (Of course, The Hubby cracked the glass in the process of giving it to me for Christmas, but, oh well.)
8. My hair is doing great. I'm learning to handle it in its unrelaxed state and I've had a very useful shift in my definitions of beauty. I feel sassy and I learned to swim (kind of)!
9. Regarding another crisis with family friends, one unrelated to the major crisis in my life, another year has passed that moves them closer to a resolution of a very bad thing.
10. The little world in my house is pretty good; my children are mostly unaffected by the horrible things that I know are going on and they are, I think, really and truly happy children who express their love for us and each other; my husband still loves me and I still love him. And I like him a lot of the time, too.

*And here's a bonus: I finished the awesome list much more quickly than the suck list.

Top Ten Sucktastic Things about 2011:

1. The Crisis will not freaking go away. It gets better, then randomly and unpredictably gets worse. And there's so little I can do about it.
2. The Crisis insists on sprouting branches, most of which I can barely do anything about.
3. We lost an elder in our family.
4. Still have friends who haven't yet been able to realize their dream of becoming parents.
5. Still not on anybody's tenure track.
6. Still having migraines, despite efforts to change my diet (although that's helped some) and I might need to switch medications again.
7. Something that I wanted to happen for a long time fell into my lap and then was snatched away. It still has not materialized in a successful way.
8. My faith is . . . challenged. And confused. But that might just be this week.
9. I missed a perfectly free Stevie Wonder appearance because I was at a conference.
10. Failed goals.

New Year Plans

Love. Health. Peace. Kindness. Joy. Laughter. Quiet. Connection. Satisfaction. Intimacy. Protection. Freedom. Success. Dreams. Strength. Warmth. Giving. Sweetness. Openness. Love.

I wish all this for all of us, the world over. And more.

Happy New Year!

Christmas Wishes

Merry Christmas everyone. May the light, hope, and miraculous love of Christmas be present with you.

Random Bits of Holiday Goodness

Just as I'm hearing the bars slam shut on the grading jail that locks me in every semester, I'm feeling pretty good about a couple of things. That's impressive, I think, because I've been on Googling binges for a while, looking up people I used to know to see just how much more fabulous their lives and careers are than mine. Then I think about how suck I am. And how those people would think I was suck, too. And then I think about what my children will tell their therapists about me (because that's the logical next thought--right?) It's a horrible game. Worse than golf.

But I've had a few moments that interrupt the pity parties:

The Babydoll wanted to bring her lunch to school, so I packed one up for her (it was a Lunchable, but it counts!) I added an orange, but she called me at work the next morning to say that she had changed her mind about the orange because she wouldn't be able to peel it at school. BUT, she has an awesome mother, so her orange was already sliced and peeled and in a cute little container in the lunch box. She was thrilled!

I received promising news on a publication project that I've wanted to materialize for about 1000 years. I'm really hoping that it goes somewhere, but either way, this is the most interest anyone has shown in the project in all this time.

My students were completing evaluations sheets and asked if they really had to write down their answers because they didn't have a single critical thing to say. More than one said that this class changed their perspectives about writing and about themselves as writers. In addition, for the first time--ever, I think--most of the students followed documentation guidelines and didn't give me crazy, made-up crap that drives me nuts.

I made two desserts for two holiday parties and received raves on both!

Things are looking up!

Thankful Thursday--Creeping up on me again

Just when I start to feel dread because Christmas is coming. When I feel bogged down at the thought of all that shopping. When I get anxious thinking about all the work I need to stuff into the break from classes. When I feel dumbfounded because the entire year is almost over and I seemed to have accomplished so little. When I wonder if there can possibly be enough money to do all the things that come with the season. When cases of the "gimmes" begin to pop up with relentless energy.

Then.

I see Christmas lights on the house of someone who clearly isn't kidding around about decorating and who has the entire house and yard shining bright even as we are driving home from Thanksgiving dinner. And there is Christmas music on the radio, forcing its warm fuzziness all over me. And the games and conversation and food bring the family together and we are a whole, unbroken (rather large and loud) circle again. And the timeless story of divine love for humanity envelopes my children and me, too.

Just when I think I've outgrown the mystery and moved past the miracle . . . I am overwhelmed by the love, the hope, the God who literally goes to the ends of the Earth to find us and save us from ourselves. Just when I'm thinking of enumerating my list of complaints--

The only word that floods my mind is Thankful. Thankful. Thankful. Thankful. Thankful.

Holding it together with questionable effectiveness

So, I'm still dealing with the crisis. Not fun. So, part of what I've decided to do to help me stay in my right mind is to crochet. When you can't adequately fix the problems in your own life, help somebody else, right? I've completed a baby blanket and burp cloth (see the picture here--I'll post a picture of the one I actually made as soon as I can) for a local charity that gives handmade items to babies, and a hat for cancer patients.

I can't wait to take the stuff to the charity. I smile when I think of the comfort and loving kindness the recipients will (I hope) feel. It's a good thing. (And so is crochet itself--anybody want to join me? The Diva?)

Hopeful

SM,

I, too, am filled with hope. I'm not quite ready to fill in the details, but I just wanted to share how excited I am about this journey. I know that it is replete with worry; in fact, I recently had a particularly worrisome moment, but I just received confirmation that things are on track. In this post-Thanksgiving season, I am grateful that God is still there, listening and comforting, giving us the things we need AND the things we want.

Recent events in the world--the bombing in Mumbai, the death at a New York Wal-Mart, the declaration of America's economic recession--threaten to blight this holiday season and the hope that Obama's win had placed within me, but I'm glad, grateful, that God has reminded me that good things are still happening and I can still be hopeful.