I watch too much TV . . .

Is anyone watching "Dance Moms" on Lifetime???? OMG! What the heck?! I can hardly even describe the atrocious attitude of this dance "teacher". I've heard coaches, including dance teachers, yell at students. I've heard them push. I've heard Lydia Grant: "You want fame? Well fame costs . . . ." But the owner of this studio has more than once (I'm only on episode two) implied/stated that she feels like she is raising these children. And yet, she seems to have zero respect for the actual parents. She was annoyed because one of the moms tried to take her daughter, who'd been up since 6am and hadn't completed her homework yet, home before 9pm. After watching a teary scene in the parking lot, she said, "I don't know what all that was out there," but you need to get to tap class. Any input from the mothers ("the costume is too skimpy!" "the dance is too sexy!) is met with a "like it or screw yourself" response. Her goal, clearly, is to get them to Broadway. Whether or not they are whole or healthy or normal when (IF) they get there seem off the table. It's disturbing. The mothers seem to struggle with the weirdness of this strange world, but they also often speak in the plural when they talk about performances. I don't understand what the goal is for them. To have their daughters simply become great dancers? to have lucrative careers? to win competitions? I don't get why parents would do this much and spend this much money and time for a child who is nine years old. And, I think that there's something wrong with people who need to be famous. It's hard to watch. Maybe I won't anymore. Okay, I probably will. But it will be uncomfortable.

Downsized . . . a bit

So, did anyone else watched "Downsized"? It seemed to me to be a show about a plucky family who rode the wave of financial wealth and then abruptly lost it. How unfortunate! The Hubby--mine, not the one on the show--nearly ruined any interest or enjoyment I thought I might draw from the show. After every segment he said, "I don't like this" or "What is this?" And he was really annoyed every time there was shot of the house; there's nothing poverty-level about that house, he repeated over and over. I wanted him to hush so I could zone out and watch TV. But eventually I had my own questions.

• Is anyone wondering why these people have so many children? I understand the blended family dynamics, but weathering this financial storm would be less of a catastrophe with fewer children. Isn't this the question asked of many other families living at poverty level?
• Why do they look so good? (Okay, this was another of The Hubby's questions) The haircuts looked fresh and fly. The clothes were not tattered. One of the children was gifted a new (to her) car; how would she pay for gas and other car expenses? Isn't this a question asked of other families living at poverty level?
• After a frustrating trip to the grocery store wherein one of the daughters had to put back almost all of the food because there wasn't enough money on the food stamps card, the mother reminds her that their state of being was temporary. It was a moment, I think, meant to elicit compassion from the audience. And it did. The girl was embarrassed that people she knew saw her using welfare. But aren't there many people for whom this will be a constant state of being? Do we feel more sorry for this family? Shouldn't they just be grateful to have anything to eat at all? Shouldn't the daughter just suck it up and get over herself? Isn't this a question asked of other families living at poverty level?
• The father states more than once that they got themselves into this and they'll get themselves out. That seems to sit nicely into the American ideology of work ethic and merit. But should the state (i.e. "us") be helping "them" dig their way out of a mess of their own making? Isn't this a question asked of other families living at poverty level?

My point is not to bash this family. I can understand how life can turn you upside down and shake the stuffing right out of you. I bet everyone can understand that these days. Do we understand it, though, when most of the country is living high on the hog, as this family was one short year ago? Do we understand how one (or two or three) miscalculation or poor decision can totally derail a family? Especially when that misstep is paired with some other glitches that are not of one's own doing? Do we understand how people make decisions about the sacrifices they need to make based on their own definitions of quality of life? that those decisions may or may not reflect what other people think are appropriate? that they may or may not be directly related to morality or character?

I'm just wondering about the narrative that frames this show. I think, to take a note from Christine O'Donnell, that this family is supposed to be "us." That we should ask how we see ourselves in them. But is this the question we ask about other families living at poverty level? Just wondering.

I'm not bitter, but . . .

if ONE more FLIPPIN' questionably literate reality show spectacle gets a book deal for a book that I'm sure someone else wrote, and ends up on the bestseller list, I cannot be responsible for my complete flip out . . . .

AND TODAY: another rejection for publication. sigh.

You Can Get With This, Or You Can Get With That

So, I keep seeing these teasers for Eat, Pray, Love and they are making me a little sad. I've mentioned before how it deflates me that I'm too old to be on "The Real World" and that I don't have a skill set that matches a reality competition show like "Project Runway" or "The Next Food Network Star." I'm feeling like there are so many things that are beyond my reach. And I hate being left out! Aside from these much less probable opportunities, there are grants and institutes and workshops that I know don't fit into my life. It's not feasible to leave my family for a month or an entire summer. Jaunting off to Paris seems unlikely any time soon. And I still don't understand how anyone manages to write an entire monograph when they have children. Furthermore, shouldn't I be the thirty-something host on "The View" (anybody tired of hearing that one yet?)?

So, here's the thing: The whole Eat, Pray, Love scenario just reminds me that taking a year off from my life may never happen. I remember thinking, around age 22, that I wanted to have a cool, silver convertible sports car. Instead of that, I thought, I'm scrounging for crumbs in graduate school--for what seems like forever. And it kind of was forever. I spent my entire twenties buried under books and living on pennies and then getting married. I didn't have enough money to do anything exciting. When I turned 30, I finally graduated and I was pregnant and adding a whole other layer of responsibility. Being carefree and careless, making totally random choices, eating, praying, loving. When can I do that? Can I ever do that?

I have to acknowledge that this view is the perspective from here. I'm in my thirties. My career feels stalled. My children are at very needy ages. We have lots of bills. I'm tired--a lot. I'm not saying that the trade-off isn't worth it. I'm happy with my choices, but every now and then my world seems very, very small.

I'm starting to wonder if there is ever really going to be a time in my life when I can do something crazy.

MTV Finally Got It Right

I have gone against my principles and started watching 16 and Pregnant and today I even auto tuned my TV to view "Life after Labor", the reunion show. I'm glad this show exists because it puts a more realistic, less romanticized view of parenthood before teenagers. Maybe it will help prevent unwanted pregnancies before they happen (an effort I don't believe we are realistically actively engaged in as a nation).

Part of the realism is the toll pregnancy and parenthood takes on one's relationship. I remember thinking as a teenager how wonderful it would be to marry my then-boyfriend and have a baby. That was foolish; it would be awful and hard and considering the fact that I didn't marry my then-boyfriend (we actually broke up before dating a year), lonely and heartbreaking. Those issues come out on the show.

In a more trivial, but still real instance, one of the young moms-to-be was trying to decide when to take her senior pictures and her mother told her she would be all puffy after the birth. The girl said she didn't plan to be puffy. Because she didn't know; in the romantic version of pregnancy (even for non-teenagers), you're beautiful and glow-ey as a pregnant woman/new mom. Yeah, but in real life, that ain't true and she was puffy. So, the show is good in revealing some of the truth about pregnancy.

I know you have discussed these issues before, SM, but I was so moved by one of the hard truths demonstrated in the series through the story of Catelynn that I had to write about it as well. Her story broke my heart. She and her boyfriend made the heart wrenching decision to give their baby up for adoption. It was an incredibly mature and--as they said 12,000 times in the reunion show--brave decision to make. I cried as I watched those kids give up their baby. In the abstract you think, this will be a good thing because they can go on with their lives and the baby will be happy and etcetera etcetera. But watching Catelynn go through the birth and her boyfriend sob afterward because he had to hand over his daughter to virtually strangers, you recognize that there are no easy choices in this situation. I was especially moved by this story, in part because I put myself and our Popcorn in their place and it was unbearable. My heart goes out to Catelynn and anyone who makes the difficult choice to give a baby up for adoption.

Having a baby is more than a notion, man. . . .

Won't Touch This

I don't think it is a secret how I feel about reality tv shows (except Tori & Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood--that show is the shiznit!). Even so, I am annoyed anew by A&E's new reality show, Hammertime. I liked Hammer in the 80's, but why in the world do I want to watch a show about him and his family? I liked Hammer in the 80's.

On the preview he's dressed like 90's Hammer with the tank and the bandanna. That manufactured gangsta persona was so cheesy. I wonder why he is recycling it. Or maybe it's just the look since apparently the show is anything but gangsta.

Everybody and his mama don't need a reality show.

Somebody, please, write a decent sitcom already!

Maybe I shouldn't be on TV

When I turned 30, I made a list of experiences I wanted to have. One item on the list was to appear on TV. That's probably obvious given my repeated references to being "The View" and my continuous gripes about a certain sub-par 30-something. Anyway, I think I may have strike that off my list. I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I am very sad about Jon and Kate (Plus 8). I saw the episode that milked their marriage troubles to death last week and the children pointed out the tabloid photographers lurking as they shopped for party supplies. Days later, I saw those very pictures on the cover of a magazine as I moved through the checkout at the grocery store. I was horrified at the stark reality of this situation. I imagined my daughter or my son seeing themselves on a cover or, when they are older, having them read that their parents were fighting. I wanted to cry.

The fairness of this media attention isn't really important to me. But I liked this family. And I sort of liked to think of myself and my imaginary television persona in a class with them. They are an interesting family trying to enact the life they are building together--or some version of that life--in a conscious way. Clearly, they never expected this kind of attention or the changes it has created in them. I mean, if someone said, "Hey Steel Magnolia, your family's fascinating and your children are cute. Can we make a little cable show about how in the world you do it?" I would have agreed. In fact, hubby and I submitted ourselves for "A Wedding Story" when we got married. Who would imagine, even in the media-soaked world of today, that being on TV would possibly rip your family apart in one season? Well, maybe they should have paid more attention to Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey, but still.

I don't know. I just thought that they were a happy family and they were trying to get it right, sometimes failing and sometimes hitting the mark. I'm sad that a family that was functional now may not be anymore. I'm sad because our best intentions sometimes don't compensate for the crap of life.

In the margins

Mostly, my mind won't go anywhere except the crisis confronting me and my family, but on the margins are these meaningless thoughts. Since I'm not ready to share (or speak even) that info, here are the meaningless thoughts:


*Tyra Banks should find another way to announce the people "still in the running to be America's Next Top Model." Saying, "The next name I'm going to call is __________ " seriously annoys me; Logically, she should follow that sentence by calling the actual name of the girl. Of course, that would sound weird: "The next name I'm going to call is Teyona. Teyona."



*I really wish someone would tell Sherri Shepard that the words "also" and "too" don't go together. Saying, "I think also too . . ." doesn't make sense.



* I keep trying to figure out what fruit the housewives oh New Jersey could hold. Aren't they the Garden State? It's driving me crazy!

What I'm Watching

My new obsession: "The Millionaire Matchmaker." Oh my goodness! This is riveting! I keep wondering if I would submit myself for this club if I were in my 20s and not married. I don't know. I think that if I were unmarried and in my 30s, I probably would. There's a disturbing gender weirdness a la "The Bachelor," but I just think it's soooo interesting. I will certainly be passing along some of Patti's rules to my daughter--and my son, for that matter.
And I have to add my obligatory grrrrrhh because I'd love to have a cool, unexpected job like this.

Nobody Likes Me, Everybody Hates Me, Guess I'll Go Eat Worms

I was going to write a post today about the push-pull of motherhood and work and staying at home with children and the external intrusions that try to define women. Instead, here's what I'm writing:

So, I'm watching "The Real Housewives of New York" and here's another person who is going on and on about a career that is fabulous and enriching (both for soul and for purse) for which she was not particularly trained that was a hobby and just blossomed like a big ol' freaking flower and now has her all on TV with a book and I'm sitting here with squat.

Where's my stuff? Man, I suck.





*P.S. And here's what else I'm wondering: If you could (or had to) enter a totally different field, what would it be?

Huh?

Okay, I have a son. I have the highest of hopes for him and for his life. Now, I can say that the sky is truly the limit (thanks President Obama; that's true for my daughter, too, by the way). Here's what I don't think I'll be needing, though--Rapper T.I. as messianic role model.

T.I. is performing 1000 hours of community service as part of a court mandate. In addition, he thought it wise to also film a reality show that will chronicle his activities before he serves a prison sentence. Here's what I don't understand: why would I want him talking to my children? What is he going to say? Of course, one of my major issues with rappers is that that refuse to pronouce the entire word when they speak. I know I'm from the South, but come on; we can manage to say most of the word most of the time. Aside from the way he speaks, though, is the question of exactly what he'll say and why anybody thinks he's going to scare children straight. Don't they think he's cool? And is this reality show really going to be part of his redemption? How?

What kind of fool do you think I am? He's trying to redeem his image so that somebody will buy CDs after he gets outta the joint.

I think this is ridiculous.

My Dirty Little (TV) Secret

I don't watch reality shows except for the occasional season of American Idol. And a show or two on TLC, which aren't really reality shows--they're life unscripted. I don't watch them because I believe television and film are the domain of writers and actors and reality shows eliminate a significant need for them. I believe I read recently on Yahoo that acting is one of the top 20 jobs in decline this year. Give me Cashmere Mafia over reality tv any day.

That said, I do not understand my fascination with Tori and Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood. Why am I enthralled by this show? I didn't hate Tori Spelling when I used to (religiously) watch Beverly Hills, 90210, but she was my least favorite main character (although I did like that she played a virgin for most of the series). If I had to guess, I would not have thought that I would care about her life. But there is just something about her show, something I cannot explain. It started with Tori and Dean: Inn Love. I couldn't get enough of her preparation for and running of a bed and breakfast. When she and the show moved to Hollywood, I knew I wouldn't watch anymore because I don't care about the day-to-day lives of the rich and famous. But I do care! At least enough to watch. Maybe it's because her relationship with her mom is mad fascinating and her interactions with her husband are certainly interesting. Perhaps it's because I find that she does pretty much the same things I do: I recently went looking for a house; I was pregnant (for awhile, but that's another post); I hope to have a book tour. It's not that I'm surprised that she's a real person. I'm surprised that I care.

I guess now the question is, since I like to read, will I be buying Stori Telling? (That title is just so clever!)

I need help.